there is something about my life that i really dun like now....

i dunno if anyone of you have got this kind of feelings before...that you just think your life is so stuffy...so trapped...so not going accordance to your way....and you just want to jump away and hide from it all.....

well for me...it has been especially like that since 2 years ago......something i've done made me go very very paranoid...and frankly until now...i'm still feeling so...and its not getting any better....sometimes i just wish that if time can be turned back...i would so never do the thing i did...and perhaps...that would make my life much much more carefree......

i loved my life the best when i was in secondary school...things were so simple and perfect that....nthg much to worry abt...no money troubles...no growing up fears....no resentment in going to NS and spending 2 freaking years there......no paranoia.....no stress...nothing..nothing at all....the only thing that i need to worry is study well to get good grades....and i still get to do carefree things that i want to do.....

but now...life is increasingly getting on my nerves...and i dun like it.....i know its part of growing up...but i dun want to grow up...i want to be able to still lead my carefree life and just enjoy it all....worries...worries....its something that i would have never want to ask for in the first place....

the more i go into this post...the more i felt like crying....there are far too many things i want to take in now....as much as a strong and matured person i am in the outside....i do still deeply want to be that 15, 16 year old child where life was easy and fun.....but i guess...its all not going to come my way.......

i read thru the posts that i started writing when i'm just fresh out of sec school..waiting for my results....the way i tone...the writing is so cheerful...so lively...so happy and so no worries....but now....just look at this post...isn't it getting a little too sad...too pathetic....

i seriously dun look forward to my 20th bday...cos that means i'm 1 year older...and 1 year into my freaking journey of my life......

p.s. growing up has its perks....but they do not come cheap.....