there is something about my life that i really dun like now....

i dunno if anyone of you have got this kind of feelings before...that you just think your life is so stuffy...so trapped...so not going accordance to your way....and you just want to jump away and hide from it all.....

well for me...it has been especially like that since 2 years ago......something i've done made me go very very paranoid...and frankly until now...i'm still feeling so...and its not getting any better....sometimes i just wish that if time can be turned back...i would so never do the thing i did...and perhaps...that would make my life much much more carefree......

i loved my life the best when i was in secondary school...things were so simple and perfect that....nthg much to worry abt...no money troubles...no growing up fears....no resentment in going to NS and spending 2 freaking years there......no paranoia.....no stress...nothing..nothing at all....the only thing that i need to worry is study well to get good grades....and i still get to do carefree things that i want to do.....

but now...life is increasingly getting on my nerves...and i dun like it.....i know its part of growing up...but i dun want to grow up...i want to be able to still lead my carefree life and just enjoy it all....worries...worries....its something that i would have never want to ask for in the first place....

the more i go into this post...the more i felt like crying....there are far too many things i want to take in now....as much as a strong and matured person i am in the outside....i do still deeply want to be that 15, 16 year old child where life was easy and fun.....but i guess...its all not going to come my way.......

i read thru the posts that i started writing when i'm just fresh out of sec school..waiting for my results....the way i tone...the writing is so cheerful...so lively...so happy and so no worries....but now....just look at this post...isn't it getting a little too sad...too pathetic....

i seriously dun look forward to my 20th bday...cos that means i'm 1 year older...and 1 year into my freaking journey of my life......

p.s. growing up has its perks....but they do not come cheap.....

i'm worried....and i dun noe what i'm worrying abt....

i am worrying abt things i dun even know why i'm worrying...in fact i'm worrying things that are not even known to me.....argh...i HATE GROWING UP....sometimes...i'm just so jealous of sab...its always nice staying in sec school stage....

p.s. i am having PNS too....Pre-National Service Stress......and i had the most horrible 24 hours!!!!

6 weeks to enlistment.....haiz...mixed feelings...

oh wells...this morning...my mum gave me a shocking news....hahaha....all my hopes in finding a job to suffice my shopping desires have just been pronounced gone......becos i'm getting enlisted in 5th June 2008.....gosh....this 2 months i've been complaining about when's the letter coming...i want to now....so that i can i can plan my work schedule.....but now that the date is here...its kinda weird....you know...mixed feelings...thats what i will call it....

its kinda scary....exciting...lost...confused...nervous...feeling unprepared all at the same time.....oh wells...i guess....thats pretty normal rite??....hahaha..or am i the special 1???....2 years without having to think what clothes to buy for whichever function i'm going...hahaha...or 2 years without buffet hi-tea cos i ain't going to have the time to do that.....no lazying around at home watching tv...cos i'll be getting as much sleep as i could.....god...those 2 years...i feel like crying now..but i got no tears....hahhaha...

i think i've been telling everyone that....NS is those kind of things that you are already being instilled into the mind since the very very start....and hence....it like a slient blow....you know something big is happening for yourself....but yet....it doesn't impact you as strong as it should be......haiz...well..the only thing i can do now is to get prepared for NS by training up...hahhaa...so..next week onwards...i'm starting my training.....

ok..thats all...tataz...

p.s. 2 years of my life....devouting to emptiness....hahahaha

my very first public video debut.....hahahaha

guess what...i'm going into big screen now....hahahaha....went back to school today to do a video for the graduation ceremony...hahaha...had 3 takes in there....rather funny....so hopefully the effect will turn out well....hahahaha....

this week is a week of interviews for me...hahaha....i have gone to 3 interviews already...erm...there's a job that i'm really interested in which is at outram that side....hopefully i'll land that job down ba....

ok..thats all....

p.s. dan: i manage to save some reputation afterall
sab: haha...sorry..i didn't land the tutoring agency's job......

i thot i should blog this down....

for a person who spent his entire childhood in chinatown.....i'm used to seeing old aunties and uncles collecting cardboard or newspapers along the roads of chinatown...for me its something that i have seen too many times.....and thats why...i dun feel anything weird or peculiar becos that was what i've seen since i'm small....and hence..i never wanted to know the actual story behind it cos its just a plain normal sight...all i know was that these elderly have no kids take care of them and they depend on the money from selling the cardboard to keep themselves alive...sometimes i pity them..but seldom would i feel like there is something that i can do to help them.....

but today...something in me told myself that maybe perhaps...i could do something...i was watching channel 8 program about the story on these old ppl going around to collect cardboards....and then i started to see the familiar sight that i've always seen since i'm a little kid.....and the story behind them....sometimes...i really wonder...what if i'm not born into a family that i am in now...what would my life have been in different.....i look at the tv screen..seeing those elderly going around collecting the cardboard...i asked myself...if i'm them..would i be able to do it as well....my answer is very simple....I CAN'T....

they do not accept any help from the government...becos they believe that as long as they are still able to work...then they can take care of themselves....but for me..i dun think i would be able to survive one day in their shoes....not to say their entire life....hmmm....maybe when i go back to chinatown the next time...i'll a good look and these ppl...and admire their will power and perserevrence....who knows...i might even lend a helping hand (monetary wise)....

k..thats just a small little thot...

my shopping list....

ok..i'm bored at home..and i've been browsing thru the different catalogues i have...so with that i have came up with a list of things i would so love to have before the end of this year....yeap!!!!

1. Casual Loafers (one that fit..yiwen and jo will understand my agony)

2. New Scent (Hugo Boss is getting out of my league...haha)

3. A nice polo-tee with details that i saw in Haji Lane (but first..i have to slim down)

4. Cool Shorts (there're my best companions)

5. New Accessories (its been ages since i bought new ones but i would have to slim down first)

6. Bag (Still torn if i should go for high-end or the middle ranges...)

7. Slimming pills (if i can't slim down even after NS...haha..just an extra precaution)

8. Wallet (something chic but not overly luxurous..hehe....)

9. Straight cut jeans (err...but i doubt my fat thighs can fit into it)

10. t-shirts (something body-hugging i hope...again...my figure is a pre-requisite)

11. dirty button shirts (like the one i have from pull and bear....yeap..)

12. I-phone?? (i may not be able to fully utilise it...haha..but it makes a great fashion accessory)

13. A.O.T (i.e Anything Other Things.....)


hahaha...ok...as all of you can see...most of these cost a bomb..so i'd have to go get a job to support my desire of these items...haha..looking for one now..so if there is any lobangs that you have..pls tell me!!!!!.....

ok..thats all...now lets hope someone can help me fulfill this shopping list...if you want to buy me presents...this would be the gage...hahaha....

p.s. ppl who visits my blog...hehee...go back to yours and write a shopping list down as well...yeap..that include you who is reading this!!!!!