time to clear some dust....

hello....i guess i haven't been blogging often (sab must be saying...yaya)...in anycase..today i'll do a long post....

counting down to my final 4 weeks here in EHI....time flies ya....going to be 24 weeks over there already....learnt quite alot....but now..its time to settle down to do concentrate in doing my reports and all....let's hope its going to be a good one cos i'm depending on this final sem to pull up my GPA grades...haha...crossing my fingers....

been very good boy....haven't been spending these 2 weeks despite all the new year sales....haha...i guess some of my friends will know why i'm not spending...haha....in anycase...i guess i still have to go shop for 1 or 2 pair of shorts.....and maybe one more pair of show....i'm going to buy a little more this year cos its like going to enter NS....buy more clothes cos i dun think i'll have that much opportunities to go shopping as often as i am now already...haix...tok abt NS....i dun think i'm really ready for it though...its those kind of things that you know is ineminent...and its going to come...but you just dunno what to do abt it....i guess...now...its start to slim down first...then see what happens after all of that....

anyway...this few days....my paranoia self is taking most control of myself...haha..dunno why...but its like that la....can't help but think abt bad things that are going to happen to me and my family....but i guess my optimistic self is taking control back already..so its not going to be that bad afterall....haha...afterall...i'm still an optimistic person...i guess....

i'm sure you know human beings always going for things that was never meant to be yours....like the grass is greener on the other side....and so you keep hoping to go over and take what was never meant to be yours????....i guess...as i grow older..i really have this feeling....trying so hard to take or possess things that was never meant to be....and even though i know its was never meant for me....and never will it ever be meant for me...but i still want to try....i still grasp that little hope that someday...what is not mine might be able to become mine.....what i need is for this grasp to loosen.....and in a way....letting it go....cos letting others go in your heart...is letting yourself go.....letting yourself off this vicous cycle....only then its the way to freedom in the maze.....

i know all these things...i really do....but what happens when the grasp is harder than you think it is???...what happens when you dun even want the grasp to loose....becos you so dearly struggle to not let it slip away.???......sometimes i really wish someone can just come and take that thot away from me...cos really...i'm telling you..its not a good thot....its not something nice....its something silly...something that you never ever want to in your life to appear again.....but still you want it....you want that thot to realise....haix....thats how bad the thot is....now...i guess...selective memory loss would proof to be a very good illness to have in this context...haha....so can someone go try to develop this technology???

ok..thats all today...hope its long enuf.....

ah bao...next time i free then i relink you la....

p.s. its hard to quit....not quitting is even harder

still learning....so...pls...guide me along the way and keep it coming...

these few days was demoralising at work...maybe its becos i'm working side by side with my boss...and so..it makes it seems like i'm very stupid at times...haha....but in anycase....today...my grandma and my boss told me something about myself that perhaps i myself didn't know abt as well....

they both told me to learn how to listen to other ppl advice at times.....let down my own prejudice or opinions and really process what other ppl tell me....i always deemed myself as a good-listener.... but perhaps..i'm not that good at listening as well...or perhaps...i should really start listening and actually think about what other people say to me....

i think...ever since i'm in secondary school...somehow...i'm too trained to listen to myself only...and so when ppl give me advice that i do not sought for...i shut out those words.....i guess...i must really learn how to listen to others and really.....process them before making any other mistake.....

come to think of it...i think i really learnt alot during my attachment...not only abt the science techniques...but also the way a working life is....i think i'm too protected already...i have never ever in my life work for someone else...all the part-time jobs i take are either at my auntie's company or my godfather's shop....haha...so...they didn't really expose to me the world outside....its really now that i'm doing my IAP that i understand what is it like to have a real boss...listen to instructions...and working....the human aspect which i have never ever encounter before....and so i guess..i'm still learning along the way....for now...i need to learn how to listen....what comes next..i dunno...but i'm happy to learn them all.....

haha..okok..thats all..tataz!!!!

p.s. sab...see i also got update my blog one hor....